I am not sure if aggressive behaviour in kids is on the increase but certainly it seems to be one that parents are increasingly bothered with. Here are some thoughts on childrens aggressive behaviour to guide you if it is an issue you face. About one in three children have an aggressive style of resolving conflict. Aggression can be by hand or mouth. Often it starts with hitting, pushing and shoving when young (under 3 or 4) and moves to the mouth as they get older and they learn that hitting is not an appropriate response. The very aggressive personality has fairly clear characteristics including poor sleeping habits, irritability, impulsiveness and is slow to adapt to new situations. A chaotic, noisy or aggressive environment inflames aggression so an environment-check is useful. Kids from the age of three can be taught better ways of communicating their wants and that aggressive behaviour, whether directed to you, a sibling or a friend, is not the way to act. When a young child hits out or uses his or her mouth to offend: 1. Get in early. A quick you are hurting me/your brother can at times be enough. 2. Give attention to the person on the receiving end. Often the spotlight goes on the aggressor at the expense of the person who is hurt. Send the offender to a pre-arranged thinking spot with a minimum of fuss. 3. Give him or her an alternative to hit or push. A pillow, blow-up toy or other soft object can be subjected to their physicality. Many boys, in particular, convert their feelings to movement so give them a legitimate way to let off steam. 4. Get him or her to restore the relationship. A hug, verbal apology or invitation to join a game may be some ways for the offender to recognise that he or she has hurt someone and that they need to mend some fences. This restorative stuff is often neglected but it helps children take a little responsibility for what they have done. 5. Put letting-off steam in their daily schedule. If aggressive behaviour continues to be a problem it may be useful to give your child a regular time to let off some steam, before he actually hurts someone. 6. Praise his or her efforts at communicating or resolving conflict without being aggressive. Kids, sometimes hit out for similar reasons as adults they dont know how else to communicate so let them know when they have used acceptable methods of being heard. 7. Keep a check on playmates, content of TV and computer games and also the behaviour of adults in his or her life. Some kids are more susceptible than others and will copy the aggressive behaviours that they see. In a loving home children can learn over time, regardless of their temperament, to curb their aggressive behaviour, find positive outlets for physicality and learn more acceptable ways of expressing themselves. It just takes some kids longer than others to learn, so hang in there if you have a hard nut as the results of your labours will pay off in the end. |
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